tour stories part II

So our time in Adelaide was over and after our sad good buys to Jay and Holly (and their cats) we were ready to get in our hire car and head to Melbourne. Or not. We had to get two cars cause we are so fat! So me and pom were in a Hyundai accent and Joel Wally and Mitch were in a Suburu Outback. And we decided to follow Joel. BAD IDEA. It was pretty obvious straight away that we wouldn't be going the speed limit to keep up. Rather 170 in a frikin accent! We passed a giant koala about 3 stories high. That's pretty much the most interesting thing the whole drive. That poor little car got it's ass worked. We also claimed Joel's ignite cd saying we'd give it back halfway and never did…

We pulled in to the outskirts of Melbourne in record time like 6 or 7 hours! By the way pom and I ended winning the race because one of the other boys annihilated a girls toilet at a servo in one of the towns on the way. Ha there were heaps of school girls waiting to use it too. Some overly friendly miners gave us directions to the house we'd be staying at which was Sean's from Remain Opposed who recently came over to perth. On the way me and the pom pretty  much pissed our entire bladder into our pants having to run red lights keeping up with Joel. Finally me made it to Brunswick? In Melbourne and met up with some of the Remain Opposed boys who were drinking goon out of wine glasses! We went to a woollies liquor and popped in to try to find Dr Pepper to no avail.

So me and joel decided hey we've been drunk like a week straight may aswell keep it up. A carton of beer and some vodka and red and BROWN creaming soda later we were on our way to a sports bar on a Monday night. But mitch stayed behind cause he was too sick (weak dude weak). Much to pom's advice not to mix beer and vodka three jugs later I managed to insult some emo guy by talking to his girlfriend, hell get into the soccer (I think) and….totally can't remember the next hour or so. But in the scenes I remember some of us ended up a classy strip joint. (Much classier than Adelaide :P) but we were only there to drink on cause everything else was closed. The strippers didn't like this. These were the kind of strippers who are so up themselves they want money to get naked..pfff…..thats why their called strippers! So in my kindess I thought ok ill sit down and have a perve of some asian bird. I gave her all the money I had left for the night…..50 cents….thats pretty generous it was all I had….but she didn't agree in a Jackie chan inspired move I end up in a plastic chair with a stiletto against my head  with a stern warning not to do it again. ( It might have been the red lights and the glitter but I'm pretty sure I saw her labia hanging out of her G string so that was a good 50 cents well spent!). Then I remember nothing except waking up sitting up in a chair really hung over with sean laughing at me pointing at the matress I had set up for me. Oh and a moustache drawn on me. Not as bad as wide load written across Joel's ass!

Seans mrs cooked the boys an amazing gourmet breakfast but I was too hung over to move. Eventually we got Sean to show us around town and help me and Mitch search a zillion quik e marts for Dr Pepper with no success. So we go to this KFC for lunch and head up stairs to the "Dining" area. More like ...dieing area. There were little sparrows flying around everywhere eating KFC and shitting on everything. I threw chips at them. It was disgusting. Joel was still so hung over he only had one bight of his zinger burger.What a waste! Next we head over the bridge to check out the casino and the food halls for Dr Pepper when mitch asks one of the girls working at the eatery where to get Dr Pepper from. And she knew! She directed us to a shop that only sells Dr Pepper and donuts!!!!!! It was amazing! Walt has a pic of mitch with Dr pepper he looks like he's just won a million dollars. Ill have to put it up here. So our Melbourne experience was brief and horrible. Mitch and I had home sickness for Adelaide! After a stressful drive to the airport we returned our cars and got onto Virgin Blue who treated us amazing. Next up…..Tassie!

-Ry

tour stories part I

Well the Restless Words are back from ripping sh*t up over east. We had an amazing time played some killer shows spent lots of money and partied with some amazing people

We got picked up by Jay and Baron from the Brews in Barons van and went straight to a radio interview. Joel swore sooooooooo000000 uber much that some guy from the national broadcasting association or something called twice and complained. It was fun though got to meet some funny guys. Later we decided we must get pissed although nothing was open so we went to a little pub with a fireplace and a huge african bouncer, and the rest of the boys ate cheese sandwiches but i was too afraid they were like the worm sandwiches in Futurama. Adelaide is cold! Our first show was at a place called the Crown and Anchor a rad little bar with a room for gigs. Real underground punk sort of a show, it was really killer. We got to see the Brews for the first time who we played a few shows with in radelaide. Their a kick ass straight up punk band anyone should check out. During their set Baron their singer/bass player went off ( i think he was high! ) and pretty much destroyed his bass during the gig. They had a real good following and put on a great show. We stayed with Jay from the Brews and his girfriend Holly. Best people ever....please adopt me.....please. Then we played next and played ridiculously loud. Like seriously oops. I managed to do ten absolultey perfect guitar flips then in the last 30 seconds of the set i did one that took out a fleuorscent light sending smoke sparks and glass everywhere. I thought i was in heaps of trouble but everyone thought it was awesome, even the sound guy! That night we wandered around adelaide trying to find somewhere to go with no avail. But we got to meet a bunch of the guys from Stolen Youth who have to be some of the nicest guys I've ever met. I felt drawn to the other side of town but the guys wouldnt listen. Later we found out the other side of town is strippers! go Figure.

Next day we wandered around town heaps buying useless Red Dwarf toys and began the hunt for Dr Pepper. If you read all these blogs youll see we spent a lot of time searching.....Me mitch and joel got attacked by a crazy old guy in a top hat who pulled out a pink soft toy bunny head and wore pink socks and then pointed at his pink bits.....yuck

We started teasing pom for his BlackBerry thingy...this is what we came up with.....dingleberry, halle berry, lameberry, googleberry, diary of anne frankenberry....and lots more

The next show was at a kind of rec hall/party thing where we got $5 counter meals ( now thats a value meal ) We played quite terrible and were really drunk but had a great time. I dont remember this gig very well except for all the broken glass and the crazy vegans abusing all of the restless words. Thats fine dont eat flesh but we like it and you cant change us. Highlighting the irony was that they were injecting shit in the arms and smoking. Jay and Holly are vego but they said nothing about it, their my kind of vegos. Tonight we played with Miss Golly Gosh ( a girl band with screams! ) Girls are for fags, The brews, and another band but i totally forgot their names. But they were all rad. After the show and much dicking around half the restless words made it to a fine gentlemans establishment named 108 where i fell in love with a stripper we dubbed chesty le rue! She was amazing haha. If only i could have afforded a lap dance. DRINK COOPERS PALE ALE ITS AMAZING! This would be the start of the rest of RyRy's get home at 6am nights. Which are then awoken by Joel at like 8 - how does he do it!?!?!?!

The next day we hung out in town again and bought a footy and kicked it around. We searched about 50 quicke marts for Dr Pepper with no avail. Went to a bunch of crazy sex shops and decided were going to make our own porno (COPYRIGHT) this will be our saga...

Indiana Bones - The Temple of Poon

Indiana Bones- Raiders of the Lost Fark

Indiana Bones - The Ass Crusade

This night we played at a HUGE venue called the lizard lounge, the sound guy's band toured with BON JOVI!!!!I was so happy! Tonight we played with Space Bong, The Rising Fight, Patriarchal Death Machine and i think im forgetting one forgive me please! The rising fight were a screamo band slotted in a punk show and boy did they cop it one pigf*cker could not stop hecling them. But we gave them hugs after to make them happy. Tonight we got to hang out with the dude who runs our record label Pee Records. His name is Pete and his wife is Mel. Theyre such nice people. We all got quite sloshed and drank out of plastic cups which tasted rank but were fun to throw on the floor. Holly was running around in a pink and silver wig! She kicked me in the balls so many times then bit me then stacked it into the mixing desk awesome chik awesome. We ended playing to a pretty decent crowd and had sooo many technical problems in the first two songs but once they were fixed everything went kinda smooth. The heckler ended up being our biggest fan haha. We even had a lighting guy. After the show we went back to Holly's and then to a crazy bar called enigma. They have giant alien vs predator statues everywhere made out of scrap metal and play mad eighties tunes. We caught up with some of the Elora Danan boys who were also on tour. And I ran into some of the Wendy Icon guys who have sadly broken up now L. I had a moment with mitch and holly where I fell in the arms of the predator crying in happiness to always by Bon Jovi….it was soo good. Pete got swamped by lovers, he's quite the popular boy in Badelaide. We stayed till the bar closed and walked home….ick.

The next day was our final day which we organised to have a bbq at Pete and Mels and talk business with them. Ha! We drank lots of beer burnt lots of chicken ate all of Mels lovely food. We found out Pete was a killer Murderball player and has a Silver medal from the Olympics. We all pretty much decided Pete and his label are the best thing to ever happen to us. Mainly cos him and his wife can handle Mitch and I's sick sense of humour. This was our last Adelaide night, we managed to miss another radio interview. In the morning we had to say our goodbyes to Holly and Jay. It was soooo sad. Also we realised on hire car would not be enough for the drive to Smelbourne. Good times!

Love Ry